I admit that when I was considering nursing Emily, I ran from the idea. I couldn’t imagine figuring the whole process out and dealing with all the “special” situations of nursing on top of being a new mother was more than I could handle. I started into pregnancy thinking I WOULD nurse her., and then talked myself into a few months and then six weeks and then totally out of it.
I’m not sure why. I think it had a lot of do with my control issues and my body issues and just my issues in total.
I wouldn’t say I REGRET not breastfeeding Emily. It’s not that at all. I think what I do regret is not TRYING to nurse her. That’s all. But, I admit fully I wish Emily could have had the mom I am now as opposed to the mom I was then. I’m a much better mom at 30 than I was at 23, but I digress.
When we were preparing to have Cadence, I was convinced that I would nurse. I read all I could. I looked at pictures. I watched videos. I contemplated products. I visited message boards. I asked questions. I pondered the size of my ladies vs the size of an average new born head.
When I got pregnant with Cadence, I read and researched more. I did vast searches on how to nurse if one is well-endowed (and received little information). I watched more videos, read more websites, viewed more pictures and read until I thought my eyes would bleed.
I had no goals for how long Cadence would nurse. Not any. My only goal, really, was to nurse as long as I could, to do my best and if it didn’t work out, to end the agony. I bought a boppy. I tried to figure out how the hell to hold my breast in the “c” hold without smothering my newborn.
When Cadence was born, I asked for help latching her on at the hospital. Cadence, thankfully, was born with a great interest in nursing, which made the process easier. She willingly and happily, it seemed, nursed right after birth and after taking a bit of a break on the day of the 12th, was happy to nurse for hours on the 13th and every day since then.
In the hospital, I encountered tons of varying opinions and advice on nursing. I was having trouble latching Cadence on on the 12th. She did feed, from both sides, for a quite a bit in the recovery room and my night nurse told me not to worry if she wasn’t nursing much that night. Babies get born with what they need and what she got would hold her over until she woke up a bit. Of course, that advice all changed when, at 1 a.m., the nursery staff marched in declared it had been to long since she had eaten and told me to nurse her. I did. Without much success I’m sure. Cadence was tired and I was tired and Eric was tired. My nipples wouldn’t draw out. At all. I couldn’t latch her on. I was frustrated. We called the nursing station and requested a consultation with the Lactation Consultant ASAP the next morning.
That night, Eric and I both tried everything we could to get my darn nipples to draw out. The night nurse said “You gotta pinch ‘em sometimes.” And, I wasn’t the only one pinching them. I think the night nurse left them alone, but Eric tried too. It was so frustrating. I wasn’t sure I would still be nursing when I left the hospital. I was stressed by my nipples and the fact that nursery was pushing Cadence to eat. I didn’t want her to have a bottle because I was afraid of that harming our chances to succeed at nursing.
In the morning, the Lactation Consultant came in. She was very kind. She explained to us the size of Cadence’s tiny stomach and told me not to worry. She reiterated that Cadence would be sleepy and not interested in nursing a whole lot and not to worry. To call her when Cadence wanted to eat and she’d help me latch her on. She made an awful face when I told her we had been trying to draw out my nipples and told me NOT to pinch them.
When Cadence got hungry, my day nurse was in the room. She was going to take Cadence back to the nursery for a warm up, but said she’d help me feed Cadence instead. She showed me how to let Cadence suck on my finger to get her sucking and then, basically, how to shove the stuff in her mouth (The LC frowned at the shoving thing, but it worked! It really did). She showed me how to get Cadence positioned and I was very happy.
That night, Cadence nursed for about four hours straight when the nursery staff asked if I had ever considered a paci. I said, yes, I’d love one and nipple confusion has never been an issue.
There have been times, over the first six weeks, when I thought we wouldn’t make it long. I was having some pain with my right side that I still have issues with from time to time (I think that nipple may be more inverted or something, I don’t know), but at this point, unless biting is a serious issue, we’ll be nursing until I wean at about a year. It’s a goal I never thought I’d be looking down and, I’m actually looking forward to nursing our third child (once we get that far).
I definately want to knit