Cadence is sleeping in her new bouncer seat and Emily is outside playing in the first sustained sun we’ve had in some time. Eric has stopped by his grandparents house to help then with their Internet, so mostly, it’s quiet.

Cadence turned six weeks yesterday. She’s more alert, staying awake for long, long stretches. She smiles and coos and bats at toys. She’s starting to get close to outgrowing, length wise, her 0-3 clothes. She’s lost a LOT of hair and she’s slowly bt surely beginning to settle into a schedule that allows me a normal amount of sleep so I can function reasonably during the day.

But mostly, we’ve made it past the first six weeks, the point where breastfeeding is supposed to get easier and, according to experts we’ve given Cadence critical leg up for a good start

I have no plans on how long I intend to breastfeed. I’m just going to. I had no preconceived ideas about length before Cadence’s birth. I was just going to try and if things didn’t work out, I’d switch to formula with no guilt. once or twice in the hospital I was sure that formula was going to be a reality for us and a time or two since then, but I’ve stuck it out and our issues have resolved. Cadence, thankfully, takes about a bottle a day from Eric in the morning to allow me some extra sleep.

Breastfeeding has been easier than formula feeding at times. Ther eis no worry about how much food we’ve prepared for Cadene before an outing. Sometimes we take a bottle, but even if we don’t, it’s really not an issue. All I need is someplace to sit down. I don’t think I’ll ever be nursing at the food court at the mall (hey–you try to hide ladies the size of mine. It’s impossible), but I could, if Cadencce was in need. I’ve realized we really don’t need a diaper bag and even tthough I love the pink lovely I made for Cadence, all I need is a purse with some diapers and wipes in it. No bottles, no burp rags, no freezer packs. Just me. I’m enough.

It’s nice in the middle of the night. There are no bottles to make. no one has to run downstairs unless we choose to. Cadence cries and there I am.

And, Cadence is a good nurser and appears to like to. When I get her settled on the boppy and pull out the goods, she smiles at it. ;o) Which is sweet and funny at the same time. Eric says they make him smile too. :o)

But, even though I don’t mind nursing and Cadence likes it, it’s not easy all the time. It’s difficult. When Cadence goes through a particularly needy nursing phase, I get sore. If I skip a feeding over night, I’m leaking in the morning. We won’t get into what tomatoes do to Cadence’s system or the burden of really being the person providing nutrtion and nearly all of the care that comes with it.

Today, Eric and I were talking about how Cadence is less content than Emily. She doesn’t have colic. She’s just not as content. Not better or worse, just different. He suggested she has gas worse than Emily and said something to effect of ‘I know you like breastfeeding, but…..”

I suggested an elimination diet to try and figure out what Cadence may be having problems with. The diet suggested by Dr. Sears is huge. Only free range cchicken, only rice or millet. Only rice milk, no dairy. Only pears. Only squash for two weeks . Then you can start to readd. it’s overwhelming, really and I’m not sure I’ll go that far. Mostly, I’m going to keep a food journal and see what patterns I can track.

But overall, the experience has been good and sincce now is when it stars to get easier, I imagine I’ll like it better. :o)

Cadence is sleeping beside me, snuggled inside of her boppy. She didn’t sleep at all last night and I am exhausted. For lunch yesterday, I had a frozen Chimi that contained less than 2% of tomato paste, but that was enough to send Cadence into gastrointestinal distress starting at 2:30 a.m. and stretching on unil 4:30 a.m. or so when Eric finally gave up, got up, thawed some milk and took over.

He also went into work late so I could sleep and he could get Em on the bus, buying me four hours of very good sleep. Which were very much needed.

See, I discover that on the weekend, I manage to catch up on my sleep a litle bit. Eric gets up with Emily meaning if Cadence manages to still be asleep at that time, I an still sleep too. Saturday i feel good. Sunday I feel normal. Monday, I feel good.

Tuesday, my weekend sleep glut (of probably 8 hours a night total instead of six) begins to fade away and I’m doing okay, but feeling ragged.

On Weds. morning, Emily kindly points out the bags under my eyes. I manage o get the bare minimum amount of housework done.

On Thursday afternoon, Eric points out that I look exhausted. i only managed to make the bed.

By Friday, lack of sleep and just the general stress of running a household and keeping up with two vastly different girls has worn me down to the point that even looking for the remote or climbing the steps with Cadie to go back to bed seems like too great of a task to complete at the time, so I sit on the couch in silence.

Oddly enough, dealing wih Emily has been the most difficult over the past few weeks. She hasn’t regressed and her behavior is no better or worse than it is usually, I just don’t have the enerrgy or patience for her normal bologna. It seems she spends large protions of her time at home crying huge tears and gasping sobs over the most mundane and trivial things. Things she certainly did before, but now seem to pound on my few remaining, intact nerves like jackhammers.

It’s difficult for me to no totally lose my mind over the whining and crying. A few years ago, Eric and I read “The Five People You Meet in Heaven” by Mitch Album. In the book there was a passage about children being panes of glass that their parents would shatter. I think Eric and I both agreed to not shatter. Fingerprint heavily, but not shatter and it’s with this idea that I struggle when dealing with Emily’s constant fussing. I understand that she’s sensitive and I don’t want to break that. If that’s who she is, i want her to be it, but at some point, at nearly seven years old, shouldn’t she cry LESS than she did at three or two?

Or five weeks?

At least for now. Though, it’s nearly my bedtime, so she’ll be looking to be awake very soon, I’m sure.

Cold weather is coming and, in a way, I’m looking forward to it like I always do. I love snow and Christmas and all that stuff. :o) Sick, I know.

Speaking of Christmas, a little gem from 2004…

Lift from a Beth Proudfoot layout from Simple Scrapbooks.

And, I revised the Crafts to do list. It is as follows

• Cadie’s Nightgown
• Emily’s Robe
• Em’s final canvas
• Cadence’s canvases
• Cadie’s bedding
• Cadie’s taggie
• Joey’s taggie
• Gabby’s taggie
• rag quilt

I have Cadie’s taggie all pinned and the picture printed out for Emily’s final canvas. I don’t know how long any will take me to complete as I’m living on Cadence time right now.

is how old Cadence will be tomorrow. It’s amazing. Time has flown by. She is growing and changing in amazing ways.

Things aren’t “normal” yet. I understand that they’ll never be the same normal, but we’re not quite settled in. That’s difficult on people who crave schedules and order, like Emily and I, but we’re coping. I told Emily today that in a little while, Cadie won’t need so much attention and time and we’ll be able to go and be and do like we did before.

We went for lunch today, just a quick trip through the drive thru as Emily was off for Columbus Day. It takes forever to get out of the house and then twice that long to get out of hte driveway because Cadence seems to have a melt down every time Emily and I try to take off on our own. Then we debate about whether or not I should get out of the car and make Cadie calm down or if we should just shuck it and go and hope for the best.

I get out. That’s both of our votes. Emily’s too tender hearted to listen to Cadence cry for long and if she thinks Cadence is going to have to cry, she finds something to cover her ears with. ;o) She’s a doll.

But, I have gotten some crafty things done…

This is the birth announcement we’ll be sending out to friends and family as soon as they come back from being printed.

and this little lovely is our baby gift thank you card..

I had planned on handmaking Cadie’s announcements, but I realized my time is just too limited to turn out even the most simple design right now (en masse as I’ll be mailing just about 50). In an hour last week I put the announcement together and uploaded it for printing. It saved a ton of time. Hopefully the results will be worth it. If they are, I’ll be doing the same thing for our Christmas cards this year. I love the paper, but I need to save the time.

The digital elements are from a free 2peas kit.