Archive for ◊ May, 2006 ◊

30 May 2006 The Cadence Files-Second Edition
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I’m 24 weeks pregnant. Cadence is due in less than 16 weeks now. I’m more than halfway through.

Developmentally, Cadence’s lungs are developing. She’s gaining weight and is nearly a foot long now. Her spine is developing, growing bones and ligaments. Personally, she’s a wiggle worm, though I still think she’s breech. Body Position could help her move, so I may be giving that a try coming up. The sharpest kicks are still lower in my stomach with more fluttering at the top. People suggest visualizing the baby turning, but whatever. I don’t buy that something like that will work.

In a week we head to the Doc for my GTT (glucose tolerance test for those not speaking momspeak) and then in four more weeks for another ultrasound to see if my placenta has moved into a better place. That will make FIVE ultrasounds for this pregnancy so far.

We’ve started to think about purchasing for Cadence now. We don’t have a ton of stuff to buy because we’ve learned a lot about what we need and what we don’t need, but the costs are coming close to 2K. I’m Froogling and checking ebay to see how we’re going to be able to reduce costs.

And then, I hit on something that kind of skeeved me out.

Used breast pumps.

Yes, a flourishing market for used breast pumps.

Woah.

I’ll be buying new, thanks.

23 May 2006 Musings on Momdom..
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Today, Emily and I slept in and made jewlery crafts. You’d think it would be easy making a lei out of straws and beads, but it wasn’t. The damn straws kept popping off of the beads and then I cut the damn string too short and turned it into a crown.

Thankfully, it looks much cuter than it did as a necklace.

In other news, issues continue with the kids next door. Yesterday, Emily was playing with Miss Five, the girl from two houses down. She and Emily get along SO WELL. She waited with Eric and I for Emily to get off the bus and she Emily went ino the back yard to play. Emily took out her play kitchen and they had a big collection of stuff in Emily’s little screen tent.

At some point, Emilys dvertisment for the circus coming to town blew into the neighbor’s yard. Miss First Grade picked it up and said something to the effect that she had lost hers and found another. Emily explained it was hers and thte girl said too bad and took off into the house.

Emily, very sensitive about her possessions came inside in tears and Eric and I were torn.

On the one hand, it was windy out and this was a piece of paper smaller than a dollar bill. In addition, it was JUST a piece of paper. Part of me wanted to tell Emily not to worry about a piece of unimportant paper, but on the other hand, she told Miss First Grade that the paper belonged to her and Miss First Grade took off with it.

We consoled Emily. Explained we didn’t need it to go to the circus if we were going to go, etc, etc. It was difficult because, as stated, I don’t believe you should keep things that aren’t yours, no matter how small they are and particularly if someone else tells you that it belongs to them.

So, Emily heads back outside. Miss Five is playing with Miss First Grade and Miss Possible Instigator. Emily goes over to play, assuming she’s invited as Miss Five is playing over there now. Miss First Grade tells Emily to get out of her yard.

More tears ensue.

Daddy goes over to talk to the neighbor.

Neighbor says girl she babysits for, aka Miss Possible Instigator is the problem. and Miss First Grade has to apologize. I’m less certain that it’s Miss Possible Instigator and more learning towards Miss First Grade.

Last week, Thursday, Eric and I talked outside with Mrs. Neighbor while we were cleaning up the mess left here by Flippy Tits (aka Miss Creepy Eye aka the Hillbilly Tenant). Emily has a very nice, fairly new two wheeled bike that she’s been trying to learn to ride. It’s a nice bike. I forget what size it is, but it falls in between the two tradiational sizes for younger children’s bikes. Miss First Grade is riding a bike too small for her and while Eric and I are both ishy about other people riding Emily’s bike, we allowed Miss First Grade to ride while we were standing, talking with her mom.

On Friday, we had appointments and had to leave as soon as Emily got off the bus. Miss First Grade runs into our yard and askes to ride Emily’s bike.

Not if Emily can play or what Emily is doing or even if they can play bikes. She asks to ride Emily’s much nicer, much bigger, much newer bike.

Hmmmm.

Miss First Grade is also more agressive with Emily and I highly doubt Miss Possible Instigaor is the actaul problem. Miss First Grade seems like she could be a bully.

And so, we move into summer, feeling like nothing at all is resolved with Miss First Grade and rather worried that Miss Possible Instigator won’t be the playmate of choice, leaving Emily there.

Emily, for her part, doesn’t want to play with Miss First Grade anymore, which, in my opinion (and Eric’s too) is the best possible outcome. Emily makes the decision and enforces it herself. It’s the kind of logical progression we like to see out of her.

Someone treats you like shit once, be confused.
Someone treats you like shit twice, get upset.
Someone treats you like shit again, fuck ‘em.

Well, minus the swear words, of course, though I did have a dream last night that Emily was irritated about something and muttering “shit” under her breath. Wouldn’t put it past her for a second. When she was just over a year old, she was trying to walk up the slight hill in Eric’s mom’s front yard. She fell down and said, clear as day “God Dammit”. Used perfectly, of course.

19 May 2006 Who IS this girl?
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I do admit that at times, I see Emily as younger than she is. More vulerable than she is. More needy than she is. I suppose it’s the traps of parenthood that does this to you. Causes you to see her as something she was more than what she is, at times.

I make no secret that I fret about every single birthday. I hate that she has to grow up, but each year leaves me surprised that while she is growing up, she’s still little in a lot of ways. She still likes to snuggle and still needs a lap and a teddy bear when she’s scared or anxious. She still likes to kiss and hug and hold hands and have stories read to her and she still likes to play with us.

Her hands are still smaller than mine, though not chubby like they used to be and yesterday I realized that her legs really aren’t chubby anymore either. SHe plays now, less like a little kid and more like a Kid. A bigger kid. She wants to ride her “big girl bike”.

And, she apaprently wants to grow up. She usually has messy little kid bangs in her face and a smile of exuberance or impatience, not patience and knowledge like I see here. It’s breathtaking to see her like this, still little,b ut on the cusp of something else.

18 May 2006 Why I love Taylor Hicks
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Taylor has been a rather controversial figure on American Idol. He looks old. He has gray hair. He dances like a spaz. I know that.

But I love him. LOVE him.

On tuesday, Taylor sang “Try a Little Tenderness”, an Otis Redding Classic. I rewound it and watched it twice. That crazy, spazzing jumping, dancing thing he does? I feel that. When I hear a great song , I feel that way. Inside. I don’t do the funky, crazy white boy dance, but I feel that. I do. I could do that and I’d look like that. The music moves me like that. It does. It always has.

But with that, I’ll say I hope Taylor doesn’t win and that Kat does. Why? He’ll rock more on his own than as an American Idol. I’ll be first in line to buy it. I swear I will.

And I’m sure I’ll be doing that funky, crazy white boy dance along with him. ;o)

16 May 2006 The Cadence Files-Edition #1
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First off, the size of my penis is fine and needs no enlargement.

I am now 22 weeks pregnant. On average, babies now weigh one pound and our 10 inches long. Cadence was 13 oz at our Ultrasound two weeks ago. She had eyelides and eyebrows and her bones are hardening. In one week, if Cadence was born, she’d have a chance to live. My 24 weeks she’d have a 58% chance of survival and by 28 to 30 weeks her odds would rise to 98%.

Why so morose? Well, I’m not really. Cadence being old enough for survival is one of the milestones I can’t wait to hit in regards to my pregnancy. It means if something were to go wrong (insert freaky, odd, hardly ever happens scenerio here) our baby would have a chance.

Of course, the longer Cadence stays in, the better. Except one 9/16 rolls around. Then she needs to come out.

Eric was finally able to feel Little Miss move from the outside this weekend and I’ve been spending afternoons watching my stomach jump. The doppler I rented months ago to reassure me tha Cadencec was still there will go back soon. She’s obvious now and I don’t need something to tell me she’s around.

I’ve found a sibling class for Emily at our hospital that will take place in July so she can get ready for Cadence too. I’m thinking of This for the nursery.

15 May 2006 Mothers Day Rocked!
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As some of you may recall from last year (and is provable by searching my archives) Mother’s Day last year–not so good. I was a passive agressive cow and Eric and Emily were miserable. I won’t get into details but it involved tears (perhaps from more than one of us), anger, pouting and general bad feelings. I vowed we’d never have another Mother’s Day celebration in this house! (see passive agressive cow).

Well, now thhat we’re acknowledged among ourselves (Eric and I that is) that I tend towards passive agression and He tends to bury his head when he doesn’t quite know what to do, we’ve opened up the channels of communication about what we need vs what we do.

And this year rocked!

I got to lay in bed until noon. Got breakfast in bed and lovely cards. :o) Afterwards we went to the nursery and picked out a lilac bush–one of my favorite things, and lavendar and forget me nots for my front garden. It was perfect. Just perfect. I got to rest without guilt, we spent loads of time together. It was wonderful.

Just what I wanted. No fancy dinners. No stress over fancy gifts. We walked together and picked out my bush. Emily splashed in puddles and we laughed and had fun and that’s all. No big plans to go astray. Just us.

Eric was saying yesterday that Emily was probably the best thing we’d ever done and I disagreed with him. I think we’re the best thing we’ve ever done. This family as a unit. All of us. Not one of us. The sum total of what we are here when we’re together. I was getting ready for bed last night and picking up the things that had acculumated around the bed that day–Mother’s day cards and barbie dolls, photo albums and scrapbooks. Ths perfect represenation of our life today and it was just so beautiful and powerful and I am so lucky to have it.

We can all name little material things we’d like to have. A new couch, a new camera, a new car. But when you get down to it, I have everything I’ll ever need. I have enough.

I love you guys. From the very bottom of my heart. :O)

10 May 2006 Busy times, busy times…
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It seems, for us, that we go through periods of slowness and then periods of vast activity where is seems like there is more to do than time to do it in. Last week we had three (yes, three) doctor’s appointments. One for Emily, one for me and one again for Emily. Emily needed THREE boosters shots, which she handled like a champ.

This week, we’re dealing with an order for a blood test which is going to involve a trip to outpatient services at the hospital, a job interview and our normal crap and next week another trip to the doctor for tthe dreaded peanut butter on the skin test.

Baby girl has been named and it is Cadence Marie. Cadence just because Eric and I love it and Marie because of my mom, his mom, my grandma and his grandma. It’s a great fit. Emily is growing into the name, although she really wanted Claire (Sorry, Em). There is dissent among the ranks in regards to the name, but we still love it. Sorry guys. It’ll grow on you.

03 May 2006 What I’ve been doing….
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First off, I’ve been properly gestating a Girl baby, name unknown. She has all fingers and toe, organs and other good stuff. The between the legs shot shows no penis, so unless it was hiding or is very small, a girl it is. :O) We’re all happy and I’m just crazy thankful she is healthy.

I’ve also been scrapbooking.


I lifted parts of this from this layout. Basic Grey papers


Title page for our 2004 album with Daisy D’s papers.


And finally, a lift of this layout with scenic route papers and some photo editing. This page is a redo. I went through my 2004 album and pulled out about six pages that just weren’t done well. This was one of them. The papers were crooked and it really looked slapped together. I straighted the photo (2 degress clock wise) and cropped some crap out. The black and white’s shown above were conversions I downloaded free off of the web.

03 May 2006 Newest Layout…
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Yes, I scrap lifted. So what? This is the inspiration layout… llink. Here’s mine.

Totally tweeked this in photoshop to get the picture right. The colors, while nice, were very washed. I fiddled with the curves to get a better sunset, cropped out the lightpole and building and cloned out a little thingie behind Eric’s head. I tried making Eric’s head totally in black, but was having trouble doing a good erase on it, so I left it. There’s a bit of color on him, but I think it’s okay.

02 May 2006 Tomorrow is D-Day.
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our Ultrasound is at 4:30. I’m nervous as hell, which has pretty much been the theme for this pregnancy. How much can I worry? What can I worry about? I’d come up with a list for the blog, but I’d rather not go back to worrying about some of the things I’ve already forgotten about.

And then, there’s Gender Pressure. Everyone is rooting for a boy. There’s not a darn thing I an do about the results. Nothing I ever could do, but I’m afraid of disappointment. This is very likely our last and I’m nervous about producing another girl, considering how many people are pulling for a boy (including Eric, though he’s being really nice about it). What if it’s another girl? I know people will be disappointed. Probably Eric and Emily both. I’m afraid of getting the wrong answer to the gender question tomorrow. I know everyone will love another little girl, all of us. I just hate the disappointment I know is coming, to some degree, if the gender is female. Particularly since I’ve been pretty vocal about not being pregnant again.

I’m trying to be calm. I just want a healthy baby. I don’t give a crap about the gender. At all.