an Ugh day? Or two days? Or a week?

You know, days when you think that closing yourself in the closet is your best available option?

Yesterday was an Ugh day. Today was half. Thankfully this evening has been pleasant.

We have been dealing with a lot of drama on the site we own. We’ve found that it’s usurping far too much of our time. In a bad way. It causes conflicts at home-in our time and personally and causes conflicts with each other (we become more combative because the site is and we argue). We decided to move in a different direction but last night we closed the site down while we regrouped and that wa ugh one.

Then Emily fussed the whole way back from my parents which was ugh 2(though we fixed that before bed).

Got up this morning. Wasted time on site. Ugh.

Took Emily to store-Fought about dollies, fought about cheese, fought about toys, fought about parking lots. Ugh.

Got home too late to make dinner. Ugh.

Cried about it.

Eric bought dinner. Wiped my tears and life got better. I hope that’s the end of the Ughs.

Engrossed in Strange/Norell. Can’t put it down, but it’s a slow read.

loverly. Thankfully it sounds like most of the kids in Em’s class will be attending her teacher’s summer program. Seven of the twelve. I dropped KIT notes in everyone’s cubby to encourage everyone to do so. I hope they do.

Most of them. ;o)

Anyhow here’s the sweetie–better film pictures coming later

I am engrossed in a book right now and it’s preventing other projects. Jonathon Strange and Dr. Norrell.

Read it.

I sewed one dozen cloth socks and stuffed them with aquarium gravel an ounce at a time.

I volunteered to make bean bags for Em’s class for tomorrow. I put it off until tonight. The bottom seams are ugly, but I assumed their parents would rather I made them ugly and strong rather than pretty and iffy. Who wants several ounces of aquarium gravel spilling onto their floors.

Not me.

I’m also going to make little “keep in touch” cards to pass out tomorrow. There are only 11 other children and 10 parents in the class and it seems like the right thing to know. Just to extend a little “We’d love to hear from you/have a play date over the summer” thing.

I have to make a pan of rice krispie treats tomorrow, pick up an appitizeresque thingie and get Em’s hair trimmed up. I want to be done by the time I drop her off at 12:30 so I can come home and collect myself. Urgh.

I also have to remember the paperwork and the cheak for the summer program with her teacher.

Am really looking forward to the craziness stopping for a while.

bring in my camera and update the other blogs here, but I’m not.

I should be finishing my layout, sewing 1 dozen beanbags, making summer dresses and nightgowns, cleaning or even reading, but I’m not.

I feel OUT OF CONTROL this week. TGIW.

I worked at the last time at preschool today. I’m feeling very meloncholoy about Emily moving on. When I enrolled her in preschool in the SUmmer of 2003, the end of it all seemed so very far away. It turns out, it’s just a blink of the eye. My baby starts Kindy in a few short months and it begins, what I fear, is her evolvement away from this sweet little being and moving on to something else.

I wonder when her hands will turn slender, when her little speech impedements will clear up (clown/crown sound the same, faht, etc). I wonder when her face won’t be so young and when she’ll take on that gangly look of a child who has left behind her childishness and isn’t quote to teenishness.

And it makes me so damn sad. Always. I wish we could bottle child essence and on our sad days, could open them up and have that rush of feeling-what it felt like to snuggle your baby, what it smelled like to kiss a little head fresh from a johnson’s shampoo, what it looked like when your little one held their teddy in the crook of their elbow (which is fading now and which I am desperate to get a picture of to the point of coaching–”Please put N-N there.”). They way they chriped your name and pursed their lips as they sang.

Oy. Lots of melonchology, eh?

As Emily grows, I get afraid. I worry if I will be able to parent a six year old. I don’t know how yet. And I worrya bout the day she goes away and stops being my child and starts being someone to someone else. If five years have passed so quickly, how quickly will the next 20 go?

I love parenting small children. I adore small children. I’d give any amount of money to have Emily age half time. Forever. It would be unfair to her, but I could live with that.

September 2003

June 2004

September 2004

May 2005

It was enjoyable, albeit tiring, as all three of us were sick for it. I think we’re all on the mend now, which is good as we have a busy week

Tuesday-Eric has a morning meeting, Jamie works, Emily has swim class
Wednesday-Jamie is snack mom at preschool, Jamie (and hopefully Eric) have classroom cleaning at the preschool
Thursday-Swim graduation
Friday-Preschool graduation
Saturday-Jamie works-Memorial Day Weekend

Yikes!

We’ll get through it and things will simmer down and we’ll settle into the idea that I am working.

I did some leg work today for our Disney Vacation. I think we may actually book through Disney this time.I’ve been wanting to stay at the resort and the cost fits into what I had planned to spend on the trip anyhow. We’ll see. I think we should book the package. If we don’t carve out the time we just won’t make it happen. I WANT to make it happen.

I have been trying to focus on positive things that wouldn’t have happened if the pregnancy I lost hadn’t been lost. I know it’s lame, but we’re all entitled, aren’t we? One of those things was being able to make a trip to Disney when we hadn’t planned to. It’s a small consolation, but it’s something positive.

No knitting. No scrapping. No sewing.

or the schedule of it seems to be taking up a lot of my time. I know we’re going to feel unbalanced with it for some time until we settle into a calm period of normalcy before the next upheaval(aka kindergarten).

Spent my day today working at the Big Library. It was okay. People are slowly realizing that training someone from the computer age is an entirely different process. I’m a “Quick Learner”.

Yes, I am. :o) It’s one of my better traits.

No scrapbooking for sewing plans for this weekend. We’re heading out of town. That reminds me to pack baby sweater and the pattern for it. With 8 hours in the car, I may be able to finish it or mostly finish it by the time we get back home.

I’ve been reading lately. It feels good.

sick today. Poor baby. She and I spent a large portion of the day on the couch. As usual she’s ll drippy and congested and has an awful cough that makes us have to pull out the nebulizer to help her out some. Poor baby. A little touch of a fever too, that we’re that we’ll leaving alone for now. Her doctor suggested that constantly medicating her fever may be causing her illness to linger longer than they normally would, so for lower fevers (under 102) we’re just letting her have them in hopes they help her health out some.

In good news, I managed to read a 400+ page book today as we sat together. After yesterday, I just wanted to be cocooned at home and was happy to just be here.

I am looking at my job with a new perspective. Maybe no better, just different. I called and said I couldn’t go for training Monday. We actually HAD made plans for that Monday and I’m so wishy washy and afraid of disappointing people. In any case, I called and canceled and will do two days of training in June instead. That works better as putting off this trip is causing me great guilt

Secondarily, I’m focusing more on other benefits of the job. I’ve discovered that library land in Michigan is an entirely different world and ultimately I may not find my future in Michigan in public library. But if I can hold off for a year, i can finance a couple of the bigger purchases we’re looking to make and that’s a benefit in itself.

So, I’ll try and tough it out and try to be more positive.

Work was disappointing.

Yes, I know it was my frist day. But, first impresions and all of that. I read a magazine. On homeschooling, oddly enough. The head librarian seemed to not offer many suggestions when I asked what on earth I was going to do when I work for eight hours this Friday.

Urgh.

I left tonight feeling sorely over qualified. I hope that improves. I just get the feeling it won’t. They’re under strict budget cuts so the creativity and ideas I was hoping to bring as well probably won’t happen due to it.

FOUR people work at this library folks. Including me. FOUR.

F.

O

U

R.

Less than five and more than three.

My husbands fledgling company employs three. But that’s really neither here nor there. The hope of making friends with similarly aged female co-workers are out too. All three have children my age.

I wonder if their children need a new friend.

I shouldn’t be so negative. It’s early. Eric says I need to give it six weeks and if I hate it, TRULY hate it, I can quit. I can hold on that long.

In other news, I made a discovery today.

Whenever I try clothes I go into the dressing room, forgetting that I’m a chubby chick (I’m being nice tonight). I don’t FEEL fat. I feel energetic and good and when I get into a dressing room, I somehow think that the way I feel will be translated onto the way I look.

it doesn’t (and I’m working on that) but dressing rooms get depressing. Oddly enough, I’m not as small as I think. And that smacks me in the face underneath the ugly lighting of most dressing rooms.

So, today, I headed into the dressing room with a few things. I tired them on. It was horrible. I felt depressed. However, I tired on one pair of pants and they looked like possible keeers, so I went back again.

I went back into the dressing room with two other tops and tried the first one on.

And then it hit me.

No wonderfully tailored blouse is going to make me a size 6 B cup. I probably never will be. But when I can do is find what looks good on me, how I am. And, so, armed with that knowledge, I bouht two blouses that looked nice and fit well and it was okay.

got blue acrylic paint on her dress at school today. Le sigh. Needless to say, at some point I will be spending my time figuring out how to remove that if i can. If not, I pull the dress apart, inch the waist up some and hope for the best.

Work doesn’t continue on the layout I’m working on. I think I need printer ink. I’m envisioning something scripty for the second party of my title and I’m out of black ink. I COULD print it in blue, but blue is not what I have in mind.

It’s a matter of taste, I suppose, and the fact that I really am working on getting back to what I think is MY style–not just the style I’m adopting.

Did you?

On Friday night, I knitted through the back of the baby gift. It’s so beautiful. I love the drape of the Cotton Tots yarn and from personal experience, it holds up so nice to washing and wear. Emily’s Haiku sweater and poncho (one year and half a year old respectivley) both gets lots of wear and lots of wash and they’re fantasic. THe yarn blooms well with washing and is soft a durable. PERFECT for kids (and moms).

Anyhow, here’s progress…

The color shows better on this picture than the last.

I also finished Emily’s sun dress today. I promised one new sundress before the end of the weekend and finished it this afternoon. I am mostly pleased with it.

THe picture is bad. My one complaint is the bodice is very loose. It could lose an inch or two off of each side. I’m going to look at how to fix that in the next dress.

I also have a layout underway. Nothing to share. It’s not done. I’m taking my time, contimplating it and adding as I see fit. The title is half done. I have one block left to finish. I’m fairly happy, thus far. Maybe tomorrow I’ll have it done. No rush. It’ll be done when it is.

I start work in two days. I’m semi-excited. Just semi. Change and all that.