I’ve given up on New Year Resolutions. I do think the New Year is a great time to start fresh, but instead of making up a laundry list of items I’d like to improve on, I’m just going to improve. Part of that improvement centered around spending LESS time on the computer so I could do MORE things outside of it. Cleaning, hobbies, etc.

SO, we’re two weeks in now and my production on all fronts has improved. Today I cleaned the powder room and the coat closet. I threw away a half a dozen pairs of old or incorrectly sized tennis shoes, a pair of isotoner slippers, three pairs of worn out flip flops, one pair of beat to hell to small boots missing one felt pack, a sticky fly swatter, the box from my mobile phone, a broken hanger, a stinky hanger and rocks from vacation.

Also, three hungry, hungry hippo marbles

Ah, the benefits of being an at home mom. ;o) Emily and I had to run an errand near Ikea today and since we were so close, decided to stop in for lunch and a little shopping.

I got a new throw rug for the kitchen and Emily found a cute stuffed kitty cat (she complained that it was spelled Katt on the label. I tried to explain that Ikea is a Swedish store and chances were pretty darn good that in Swedish cat is spelled katt. “Do you HEAR two ts??” she insisted at me.).

I found a beautiful duvet cover for Cadence.

It just felt like the right choice. Great colors, so we can pick anything and just enough whimsy.

We also picked up an adorable pink dragon fly light mobile for Cadence and a string of big, pink lighted flowers for Emily.

I love Ikea.

Oh, and 5 packages of 4×6 picture frames I can paint black for .99 a two pack. Great deal. I found places to get black frames in bulk, but no 4×6 so this starts to solve a dilemma in regards to that (the idea is to paint my walls a perfect brown and then put all of my pictures up in black frames–I know everyone is doing it, but I love the look…).

Going there today was such a big stuff for me. I still struggle with anexity about being out by myself. We didn’t stay LONG, but it’s a big start for me. Hooray!

…camping out. Everyone in the master bedroom. Emily’s watching Elf on a little t.v. in the corner and Eric is trying to get the INternet to work on the other laptop. It’s so surreal to be here, but in a good way. Since I’m trying to spend less time being guilty and more time being accepting of the good stuff that comes my way, I can say that it feels good to be here. Comfortable. Safe. Normal.

It doesn’t smell like us and the paint color is wrong. We have nasty curtain rods and shit hung all over the place. The deck is massive and full of crap too, but it’s OUR house and in te matter of a few months, it will feel like us and smell like us and be us again.

One thing about me that is true is that I long to put my roots down. I long for home. I love the experiences and the feelings and the memories. We have so many happy memories in this house. Of holidays and gatherins. Of family and friends. Of quiet times and noisey times. Of good times.

I think we need to be someplace where the vibe feels good right now. Someplace where a happier history will prevail over the iffy right nows. Someplace where we can settle into our memories and feel comforted. Someplace where we’ve never lost a baby or my Mom was never sick or I was never panicky or Eric was never distraught from the year of rough business. Someplace those things have never happened.

My Mom said she likes to go up north, because, the cancer isn’ up north. Sure, she’s still stick, but that stigma, that feeling, that gloom isn’t there. I feel the same about being home. The bad stuff isn’t here.

ANd it’s finally time for Christmas. I have a few more gifts to wrap and some cleaning to do. And lots of cooking.

And lots of cooking.

Did I mention the cooking?

TOmorrow Emily and I will make sugar cookies
And I will make pies
And I will make muffins.
And I will make two breakfast casseroles (one for Christmas morning and one for boxing day).
And I will make apple cobbler

On Christmas day I will make a standing rib roast and potatoes au gratin and broccoli casserole and cranberry sauce and crescent rolls.

And I hope I find time to have fun.

It started out as a complaint post. Complaining about how MISERABLE my 2005 again, but Wednesday afternoon I had a moment of clarity and decided that I wasn’t going to complain.

Then it turned into a sappy post about family and our past and how so many things have come together to contribute to who and what we are today, but I couldn’t say what I wanted to say without sounding schmaltzy, so I abandoned that idea as well.

What I have to offer is

A sampling of my holiday decor.

All of that emotion morphed into this. A fluff post about my twinkle lights. But they do make me happy and peaceful.